Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and live up to the reputation.

Soo I totally got caught being high.. my mom could smell it but she couldn’t find it.

I had the most intelligent adult conversation with my dad, telling him all the plans and goals for the future. He actually seemed happy to talk to me and mentioned how I’ve changed up my plans a bit.. He walks out of the room and then my mom yells “She’s high!”……. I just wish I could live without them constantly bickering over my behavior.. I’m not “that” bad of a girl.. but I certainly have made some mistakes. I really want to get a job, save up a nice chunk of money and get my own place, while going to my college. I think moving would be the best option.. but idkkk, maybe that will just complicate things even more. Some opinions and experiences would be helpful at the moment :)

Ughhhh….

My college classes start today for the semester and I stayed up all night last night just thinking. Thinking about where I want my life to be and how I want to get there. I really want to apply to work somewhere cool like Ulta or Victoria’s Secret and still maybe make my “fast/easy money” also.. ;) Once I get enough saved up I can get some cheap apartment.. maybe a nice one since they’re all cheap around here.. idc I just need to live anywhere but here in this house. Anywhere away from my parents. At the same time I think maybe moving out isn’t such a good idea and maybe my dad and I still won’t get along. Living away from him would definitely help my self esteem go up a bit. All he seems to do is put me down.. he doesn’t really believe in me.. I want to prove all these negative people in my life wrong. Fuck them. I’m up for the challenge. All I need is a lot of time and determination but in the end it will be worth it. It’s my independence at steak.

I’m actually loving life right now. Gonna paint my nails. 💋💋💋💋

I’m so busy livin a crazy beautiful life.

Why does this happen to me?

I’ve had the HUGEST crush on this guy, J, for soo long. I guess I kinda take care of him sometimes; we always have a pleasant time together and so much in common. I can tell he’s broken and filled with pain in the inside; but so am I. I feel like we could save each other. He was “with” this other girl, S, for a while. He would stay overnight with her A LOT. Whenever I asked if they were a thing he denied it. They weren’t “Facebook Official”.. One night I was giving him a ride home and he said “I have this special weed I never sell, but tonight I want to smoke it with you.”….. Long story short, we hooked up. SO HAPPY. But he would still see S, which I didn’t mind, we just fucked as friends. A few weeks past…

A few days ago I started talking to this other guy, N; who i had my very first date with years ago.. We’ve been talking a lot lately but last night, J, told me he wants me.. He and S are done. I’m stuck in the middle..

I can’t stop thinking about you.

I didn’t do go sleep last night. I’ve been smoking weed and drinking whisky all night and i’m still goin. haha.

Why won’t they let me be who I want to be?

Sometimes I feel like a heartbreaking bitch.

Maybe one day we’ll wake up and this will all just be a dream.

Live fast. Die happy.